your thong is hanging out like whoa
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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