she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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