it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
and you fell through a lawn chair
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
