Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
