I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
