i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
