Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
