Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
