My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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