Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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