Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
