just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I think I sprained my soul last night
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
