He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
