thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
