did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I could fuck to npr.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
