that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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