no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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