these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
