Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
