It's a beautiful day for a hangover
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
