Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
