drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
