OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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