So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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