There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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