Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
How does one acquire holy water?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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