My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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