he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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