They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
