overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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