Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
