If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
