the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just found puke in my bra..
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
