you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
