oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
