so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
