also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
