watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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