I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
