so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
