My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
