it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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