i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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