I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
