The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
