You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
