God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
