Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
