but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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