u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
