it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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