So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
