Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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