When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
