You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
