That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
