I'd wear matching sweaters with you
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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