Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
