This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
